Have you always asked for what you want? I mean really want in your life. Or do you ask for what you think you might be able to have? Or, even worse, are you afraid to ask for even your basic needs?
On the intellectual level, you probably think, of course I can ask for what I want and need. But in practice, it doesn’t always work this way.
Here is what happened in my life. I have always thought that I am confident person who is empowered and proactive, yet I had some realizations that in some areas of my life, I was playing very small and not asking for or acting on some of my wants and even some of my basic needs. I constantly put other people’s priorities over my own- even if I suffered quite a bit. I needed more boundaries. I needed to demand better self-care for myself and to value my worthiness.
This happens to the best of us… we don’t realize it is happening- we could be brilliant- but when it comes to our own self-awareness- we sometimes drop the ball.
For example, I lost my glasses ( I was mad at myself- they were the really nice, beautiful and expensive kind) and I wore my old prescription for three months before I ordered a new pair. Money wasn’t the problem. During that three months, we spent hundreds of dollars on sports activities for son, my daughters graduation party, eating out and other fun stuff. Yet I somehow felt that I needed to wait on a basic need for myself (to see correctly is a pretty basic need). I was getting headaches and dizzy every day- yet I still functioned and didn’t make it a priority.
Then I thought about my mom- and how many years she went without getting glasses at all- she held the menus at restaurants in all crazy ways to see better, she bought my kids the wrong size clothes at the store when they were little because she couldn’t see the tag. Finally, she bought glasses. I would always ask her why she didn’t go in to get them- and she would say, “I’ll get around to it.” In this situation, she put herself last. Hmmm….sound familiar?
Then, my grown up daughter became ill and the ER doc told her she needed to be more proactive about her health. She had severe symptoms for a week before she went in and the waiting complicated things. In this situation, she put her health at the bottom of the list. Hmmm…sound familiar?
It was actually these events that flipped the switch in me so I changed to be able to always ask for what I want and need. (Even when I am asking God/the Universe). I realized that I needed to step into acknowledging what I really wanted- whether it was new glasses, or something much bigger.
Note: When I say ask- I don’t mean asking my hubby or someone else- I mean asking in a general way- giving myself permission to stand up for what I really want in my life. To value every part of myself, -physical, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual.
If you need some help flipping that switch Click Here for a free 20 minute strategy session.
Question: Where have you been playing small? And what did you do about it when you realized it?
Dr. Sheri Kaye Hoff, PhD.
The Inspired Action Success Coach